I write this with tears in my eyes. I just got off the phone with my life coach. I talk to her every Monday about my personal goals, my business goals, how to get to where I want to be, and areas of growth and resistance for me.
Today, I shared with her about my GUILT. Oh my…this is such a loaded word that brings up so much emotion for me. I think it’s a secret feeling that so many of us feel but don’t want to talk about.
Today is a Monday and this is my day. I woke up around 7:45am to get my kids up and ready for school after 8 full hours of rest. I fed them breakfast, did their hair, and spent time with them. I took my younger daughter to preschool a half hour later than normal so we could have some extra time together and so I wouldn’t have to rush her.
Then I got home. I wanted to do one of my favorite workouts which takes longer than usual. I gave myself that hour to be focused and enjoy it while listening to some personal development.
I could’ve jumped right on the computer to work but I wanted to have some quiet time. So, I read some books, wrote my gratitude list and had some time for quiet contemplation.
Then at noon, I have a one hour call with my coach. I have a few things to do this afternoon and then at 4:00pm my daughter gets off the bus so I’ll be spending time with her.
I am so grateful for this lifestyle. My life has taken a huge turn for the better over the past few years.
But, I still struggle to comprehend it sometimes. And I sometimes carry around an overwhelming sense of guilt.
I feel guilt because I know that there are so many women and moms who do not have this. I used to not have this life and I remember how that felt.
Mondays were the hardest. I had a 1 year old and 3 year old. My husband sometimes traveled for work and those days were the most challenging.
I’d try to wake-up before the kids so I could shower and get ready. But my youngest always seemed to wake up early and be knocking on the door while I was in the shower. I was juggling two little ones, trying to get them breakfast, letting out the dog, and trying to have hair, make-up, and clothes that looked like I was “put together”.
It was always a rush. There was usually some crying, some yelling, and some frustration as I tried to get out of the house by 8am at the latest. Something out of the ordinary would usually happen like the dog throwing up, a kid spilling food on my clothes, or a major temper tantrum about why they don’t want to wear those shoes.
The struggle was real. It was tough. I would go to work for the day, get to leave at 5pm and then come home to do it all again the next day. It would be a different version, same chaos.
But what if I share my life and people don’t like me? What if it brings up negative feelings in them? What if they say something mean to me that hurts my feelings?
But I choose to keep moving forward. My mission is to empower women to create better lives. And so I must keep going and not shy away from what I am meant to share with the world.
My coach challenged me to write this email and be vulnerable. It’s pretty hard to click “send” and put this in the email inboxes of over 5,000 people. But I am having courage with the hope that if this message helps just one woman…it will be worth it.